In a surprise (leaked) announcement Apple is set to launch its own operating system for Windows machines as a way of reviving its flagging mojo.

It said that is sees the market is still hugely lucrative and shows steady growth and Microsoft has been making way too much wonga for far too long. They have spotted a gap in the market for a Window 7 lookalike product after Microsoft launched Windows8 which is virtually unusable.

“We are really happy because Windows users used to shun us as elitist. But copying something that works (Windows7) and that literally millions and millions of people HAVE to use is way easier that thinking of something completely new and then having Tim Cook and Jonathan Ive shouting at us because the one of the icons is too shiny on the bevel of the lower left corner. Now it leaves me more time to get home and finish my homework so I can get enough credits to go to college” said Rufus “Chuck” Platnow, Chief Icon Engineer.

Industry analysts were surprised at Microsoft’s move to leave the market wide open with the launch of Windows8. But they did stress that Microsoft normally gets things right by the 3rd release but failed to explain how this reconciled with the 8 in Windows8. Nevertheless, the amount of cash that Microsoft makes from its legacy products means that it can continue to develop upgrades to the upgrades that failed to fix the bug fixes in Windows8 without any real concerns.

Martin Roberts, head of insane profitability research at Gallow & Gallow, said that it is only software companies, price-fixing oil companies and sugarey drinks companies that can continue to generate huge profits which increase in indirect proportion to their customer satisfaction index.  “Find a monopoly and exploit the crap out of it” was the only insight he could give.

So does this mean that Apple will not be looking to launch another game-changing product? “That is what Steve was good at, and sadly he is no longer with us” said one of longest serving Apple staff members who asked not to be named.  “It is a shame as I will miss the spectacle of people camping outside our stores for weeks to get a product that is slightly shinier and smaller, they can’t afford, and is really no better than the one they already own.”


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